(alternate title: “You’re Soaking In It.” You can thank me later.)

As we trek through the “pre-production” phase on our apartment’s renovation (behind-the-scenes here at Home Graffiti), my roommates and I have been exploring various avenues for hardware upgrades. Specifically we’re looking at newer sinks and faucets for our kitchen, which has seen better days. Perhaps the days of the Lindy Hop.

So we’re shopping around with different styles and different brands of sink basins and fixtures. And while most of them may not mesh with the style of capitalistic ennui that we’re going for, or even fit the modest size of our kitchen counters, I’m sure one of you out there might give these sinks a good home. So I’ll share some of the highlights from the catalogs and brochures I’ve perused, and let you get your own ideas.

Today we have Blanco, a German-born kitchen fixture company. They boast a background of over 80 years in manufacturing, specializing in “innovative, design-oriented system solutions for work stations in domestic kitchens and food service.” At least, that’s what their website tells me. To put it in plainer terms, they’re old hands at making heavy-duty sinks and faucets with all the trimmings. The Blanco catalog features sinks offered in classic stainless steel or in sleek Silgranit (whatever that is).

But what has endeared these sinks to me is my sense that Blanco’s designers are masters of irregular composition. To paraphrase Ralphie Parker, Blanco works in asymmetrical sinks the way other artists might work in oils or clay. Take the Performa series for example, the product line that caught my eye - in addition to your standard single and double bowl basins (or at least what I assume is “standard;” this jive is still new to me), they include lop-sided “1 & 3/4” double bowl designs. And while the “bigger bowl/smaller bowl” idea is nothing new, the gentle curves that define the Performa look produce an aesthetic more agreeable than most.

For something more on the functional side, there’s the Precision sinks of their SteelArt collection. These have a real industrial, heavyweight look to them; a kitchen sink that is not to be trifled with. The series comes in not just single, not just double, but triple bowl designs; while expanded models feature an integrated drainboard. And in addition to being so big and burly, Blanco offers a nifty array of cutting board and colander accessories that match the SteelArt heavy metal motif. Now you too can inject your kitchen with the Blade Runner dystopian chic that Christopher Lowell is so fond of.

Another series that makes me wish my counters had the fortitude to support their might is the Magnum collection. Specifically I dig the farmhouse basins, a model wide and deep enough to fit all the dirty dishes my roommates will produce in a few hours - the “farmhouse” moniker holds a certain significance in that regard. And don’t ask me why, but the convenience of the towel bar holds a certain allure for me; I just like the immediate ability to keep my hands dry.

It’s also only fair to mention Blanco’s bar sink models, for those with wider aspirations in sinkware. The possibility has been bandied about amongst my roommates and myself about setting up a kind of bar/drink service area in a small bit of unexplored space in our living area, and these models get me dreaming of just how fun and fancy that could be (if it were more than a pipedream). In addition to standard steel and Silgranit materials, Blanco offers their bar sinks in PVD Brass, which is apparently smarter than the average brass.

And there you have it. Tune in next time, to see me pull a rabbit out of a hat rack.